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‘It’s not you, it’s me.’ used to be a really weak and kinda’ girly way to break up with a really annoying person; but in the age of having 492 social networking ‘friends’ it’s time to say ‘It’s not me, it’s you!’
When I went through my ‘friends’ lists on myspace, facebook, Wayn and MEBO, I realized that not only did I not recognize 50% of the names on there, but 94% of the remainder I did recognize are in fact complete losers.
Hang, on I thought, wasn’t there a moment where I acknowledged this person as possesing something of substance…in some form or another? I began to think deeper. Yes! I had spent an inebriated evening with those dudes, done a border cross with that guy, met that chick in a club, taught that one English, worked with that one, jammed with those three effwits, and had some arm sawingly regretful one-night-stands with various others! The numbers did finally add up.
The statistic that did jump out at me though was that of the 148 real ‘expats’ (excluding travelers) I have accrued, aquired and had ‘adhere’ to my person in the past few years, only 1.5% are the type of individual I would choose to associate with in my hometown. What does this mean? Am I a more tolerant person now that I’ve sampled the cultural delights of Europe, have I evolved into an all embracing, social man-whore; or, was I simply more accommodating as I traipsed across the dusty steppe with only a porn filled iPod and a bottle of Valium to see me through the turbulent first months of my pioneering, never-before-seen crusade to conquer madam Europa!
In conclusion, there really is no conclusion, there is a only a statistic, and that statistic was imparted to me by my learned father who, when I was a child, did so gracefully, and reassuringly inform me that: “90% of the population is fucking stupid.” and now I look back upon his thoughtful words with a shadow of a smirk, and a wrinkle of the lip, and a fast twitching of my sphincter, as I realize that in an nobly articulated attempt to shield me from the cruelties of life, he had neatly plucked at least 8.5% percentage points from the actual figure.
Oh, may his rotund, bloated, fetid corpse rot in hell for eternity; as to extrapolate his theory, I suppose heaven must be full of losers.
P.S. want to be our friend so we can hate / deface you? Click here: Losers in Facebook
Popularity: 64% [?]
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April 15th, 2008 at 3:36 am
hit the nail on the right head
yes this is what the readers of this site want and have been waiting for a long time no more of the silly jokes and thins like that but the real world thins mr crutzfelt is good at ritting about not like some of the others that are not so funny as this guy crutzfelt hes cool and i withy my friets want more of this things thankyou petter
April 15th, 2008 at 3:43 am
Semi colons and their use…
Good story indeed, Crutz. One could even call it a sociological study; only one thing; please: learn how to use semi colons; your inability to comprehend the basics of English punctuation is absurd for a man in possession of your clearly towering intellect…
April 15th, 2008 at 5:33 am
REAL FRIENDS
The editors of Losers In Krakow would never know it, but some people do actually have real friends.
I am sick to death of this website attempting to make enemies of everyone, and twist good healthy relationships between human beings into something negative.
Get a life, Losers. Get off the Net. Go into the Real World.
I know who you all are.
A lot of people do.
April 15th, 2008 at 6:30 am
Woah
show me a human being who reads this website and i’ll show you a loser.
April 15th, 2008 at 7:39 am
Sick to death of being ‘Sick to death’?
The phrase ’sick to death’ is abused on this website even more than the targets of this website.
We agree death toll from losersinkrakow.com is rising!
Krakout
Lost in Krakow
expatsinkrakow.com
The Kaczyński Government
Urban Jellen Test
Guns and Roses
Cracow Post (?????????)
We cordially invite all losers to continue ’sickening themselves to death’ if not to make OUR lives more comfortable, but to strengthen the gene pool too!
April 15th, 2008 at 8:08 am
Fools!
You cowardly fools. This mutual masturbation site doesn’t fool anyone. I would prefer to join Captain Stabbin on his most sickening adventures rather than step on board your train, moving steadily forward into nothingness. Think, Losers, where will you be in 20 years? A wise ex-expat in Krakow once asked me this. It made me change my life. I have put down my guitar and now live in a Polish monastery. Thanks God they don’t let us use the Internet too often.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:10 am
Guns N Roses?
I challenge the idea that Losers In Krakow had anything to do with the break up of Guns N Roses, though it is common knowledge you were somehow connected with Axel Rose’s astonishing weight gain.
April 15th, 2008 at 8:42 am
join!
Dear Jakob!
Im a great fan of your writing.
please accept me at last as your facebook friend. im also a creator of facebook group called "Captain Stabbin Crew".
You might not remember (we both had too much wisniowka that night) but we met once, in a famous Krakow place called Kitch.
I dont know why you forgot about me.
yours,
Emily (from Wapakoneta, Ohio)
April 15th, 2008 at 6:41 pm
Expat bohoe poem
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10!
losers…..has……done-it…..again!
April 16th, 2008 at 2:58 am
Well Done!
I just found this site by accident. I’m an expat living in Paris. So funny. You guys rock!
April 16th, 2008 at 7:41 am
OH YEAH!
TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL!
April 16th, 2008 at 9:27 am
Just Fucking Brilliant!
Hi I student of commerce on Tokyo. I find site through long way, via IBM site. I amazing. It so good to see and read artist information of Europe capital culture. Thank you Losings, I luv you. Yoko.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:29 am
Thank you
I live in tent on Egypt, I part of wandering tribe. From time to time I check Net at Net cafe in tourist resort where my Mum make me go, to perform folk dance for tourist. I always love your site with information of Europe culture. Thank you thank you thank you.
April 16th, 2008 at 3:44 pm
Hi from Romania!
Hi, my name is Jura and Im a ‘Roma’ from Bucharest!
Some of you might know me as a ‘gypsy’ but that’s considered a derogatary term..well, according to Wikipedia anyway!
So, I was just surfing the net using a cafe’s wi-fi on this new MacBookPro I just stole from some idiot in the square. Mum threw my new sister at him and as he went to catch her, I thrust my paws into his leather briefcase and extracted this little aluminium beauty!
Good times! Thank you to the Losers team for helping me identify this outstanding new resource!
Ciao for now!
Maybe ’see’ you soon!
Jura the little Roma
April 16th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
G’Day!
Hi my name is Timmy Hogan and I work at the Australian Zoo in Queensland Australia, wrestling crocs. In a break from work I was looking at which Kontiki Tour I’d like to choose for this summer, and somehow found your wonderful site. So much information! I know a lot more about Krakow than I did before. Thank you Losers for all your help. Timmy "Croc Wrestler" Hogan.
April 17th, 2008 at 1:59 am
From Korea of North Fan
My name Mr Park and I live in small flat in Korea of North. I find very hard find Net in land. It big restrict here and closing to never possible. But I am looking and paying even bribe just so I am finding way to read all story in Loser Site. I am finding inspiration for Revolution in this site thinking of all way my country can change after Revolution with big input of Loser here so good for economy, and so much meat then for all people. Thank you you make live have inspiration.Mr Park.
April 18th, 2008 at 12:48 pm
greeting in Ukraina!
My name Oxanna,
I liek clean house and walking cow to shop.
I want pasport to any cuntry will doing anything for it..
I have PhD in Aeronautical Engineering and Vulcanism.
Loser site help me see best cuntry is Afhanistan.
April 19th, 2008 at 8:05 am
Happy Halo from Senegal
hello i happy go lucky man who need sell bong drum on street in sengal city st louis. i not like this bizness but i have new brain spark idea of business import motorbike of poland. i need only bank account name and number of someone. you have it please sending it to happyhalotradingcompany@gmail.com
thank you losers for showing me great opportunity.
see you soon.