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A certain Krakow expat band once sang a tune about the death of irony. The earnestness of that song was so overwhelming that it has already caused more than one suicide attempt…
Like the Oliver Stone flick Natural Born Killers, or the latest album by Justin Timberlake, Losers divides. Some love it, some hate it, but nobody is neutral. The earnest, and in particular those who wish to slag off the extremely useful satirical tool called irony, are in the first category of those who simply don’t understand LP (no, not Lonely Planet, the Losers Project). Others, paranoid that we’re targeting certain individuals rather than an entire phenomenon (sometimes, admittedly, via, certain expat “public personas”), are also against us. This last category of “haters” should be aware of the fact that, like the incredibly useful In Your Pocket series, Losers is soon to extend its greasy tentacles across the entire former Communist Bloc, to harass expats living not just in this fair city, but elsewhere. Domination of The East is in our 5-year-plan. I mean, did you really think we were doing this just for fun? Our of spite? No way, man, we wanna make CASH. (Other projects to soon be launched include Losers In Love, a dating site for creative expats in Siberia and Upper Mongolia suffering loneliness…)
But once again I’m getting off track… The point of this little story (took 4.5 minutes to write, not including this bracketed statement added after completion of text, which took another 6.2 seconds) is that we’d like to acknowledge the fact that one expat band, New Century Classics, have actually revealed they have a sense of humour! On their My Space page they have called us “very mean yet hilarious”, which certainly seems reasonable. Fellow losers, a sense of humour is a valuable asset, and very useful in life. We’d also like to acknowledge the biographical fact, published on New Century Classic’s MySpace page, that none of them are English teachers.
That’s a good thing. Because recent research undertaken by the British Council has shown that the teaching of more than 9.6 hours of ESL classes per week proportionally reduces creativity, and in particular musical ability. This document, which is top secret, was leaked to Losers recently. Soon we will, as always, publish full and uncensored details.
None of the members of AC/DC ever taught ESL. And look how far they got.
Yes! For those who like to rock and not teach, we salute you!
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November 28th, 2007 at 11:16 am
thanks!
hey, so if you guys start making CASH, does that mean we get in on it? since we don’t teach english, we have none of this CASH you speak of, it would be nice…
-anna ncc
November 28th, 2007 at 3:40 pm
well…
Hmm, that seems reasonable. We’ll have Creutzfeldt contact our accountants at Ernst and Young, Kiev Office, to discuss this possibility…
November 28th, 2007 at 5:14 pm
CASH
That’s the problem with kids today, they don’t understand the importance of CASH but hey, what sort of moron would start a band in Krakow expecting to make cash?
Only a loser………
November 29th, 2007 at 12:26 am
What a load of crap
TestTestTest
November 29th, 2007 at 12:37 am
load of crap!
yes but the point is by saying it’s a "load of crap" you just proved the story is true. i.e - you hate it. you are therefore a "hater". now, please, a comment from someone who loves it? if we don’t get one, the editors will be forced to make one up and pretend it was left anonymously.
November 29th, 2007 at 1:52 am
What a load of crap
I am writing this letter because I recently heard some troubling news. Apparently, a large number of people actually believe LinK's claim that all major world powers are controlled by a covert group of "insiders". The following text regards my complaints of recent days against it and its subtle but disorganized attempts to leave a large part of this country's workforce dislocated and disillusioned. So, LinK, maybe the problem is not with the worst classes of odious misers there are, but with you. I am familiar with LinK's goals, I understand how it operates, I have long recognized its tactics, and I know just about where LinK now stands on the ladder to total power. I can therefore say that, really, I am reminded of the quote, "I don't give a hoot in Hell if it opposes my quest to mention a bit about fork-tongued, tyrannical hedonists such as LinK." This comment is not as obtrusive as it seems because I like to face facts. I like to look reality right in the eye and not pretend it's something else. And the reality of our present situation is this: Today, we might have let LinK waste our time and money. Tomorrow, we won't. Instead, we will discuss the programmatic foundations of LinK's peremptory subliminal psywar campaigns in detail. I know more about prætorianism than most people. You might even say that I'm an expert on the subject. I can therefore state with confidence that LinK is capable of only two things, namely whining and underhanded tricks. Until we address this issue, we will never move beyond it.
November 29th, 2007 at 2:04 am
hmm
please re-write this comment in the form of song lyrics, preferably with a few puns and wordplays. then maybe we’ll understand you.
February 11th, 2008 at 7:53 am
English Teachers
I , for one , would like to rise up in defense of my fellow English teachers . I do not fell that teaching English has in any way impaired my ability to be , …….um , that thing you do when you make something up…….you know , like totally out of your head and shit .
February 11th, 2008 at 7:53 am
English Teachers
I , for one , would like to rise up in defense of my fellow English teachers . I do not fell that teaching English has in any way impaired my ability to be , …….um , that thing you do when you make something up…….you know , like totally out of your head and shit .
February 11th, 2008 at 7:55 am
English Teachers
……..and it certainly has not made me a needless double clicker