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Wow! Losers have had a change of heart. We’ve been so affected by all the criticism, the blame, the bad words, that we have also become Marketers Of New Creative Products For “The Discerning Expat”…
If you can’t beat em join em… Or, we’ll show you fuckers… Or, we’re sorry… Or, I have a split personality!
Gee, sorry. For a minute there I thought nobody was bothering to read this bullshit, but then I remembered that we have a massive audience. Some of you are angry at us, for destroying and not making. Attacking, not building. Lashing out, and not meditating. Well, your comments have been heard.
Just in time for the Christmas season, Losers have launched Loser Records. The aim of this venture is to create an entirely new alternative “scene” that will present new creative products from local expats. “We’re not interested in the old names,” said Jakub Creutzfeldt at the launch today. “What we want are new faces. We want new sounds.”
The first offering is by an act called Iron & Whine, a little ditty entitled “Stoned In Krakow.” It’s by some wanker we saw busking in the freezing snow on Florianska Street, trying to raise money for some Tartra Beer. We gave him a couple of cans and he gave us this song.
What a loser, eh? You can find his song on our home page, (never) to be released on vinyl.
Yep: Losers Records. Real songs by real losers.
If you’d like to send us a demo we’ll consider submissions, as long as you’re not Urban Jellen Test or Fox Gang.
Popularity: 19% [?]
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December 4th, 2007 at 12:00 am
oooh…
iron and whine, iron and whine…aaaah im melting - hazy glance of leonard cohen, soothing yet trembling, troubling voice of the leading singer.i feel shivers on my spine refreshing the site again and again and again..
when is iron & whine playing live in cafe szafe? kawiarnia naukowa? vinyl club at least? please please, tell me, you losers, ive already chosen the underwear im going to throw at iron & whine singer..
mary
ps.anyone interested in starting a fan club of iron & whine, mail me: virgin_mary13@yahoo.com
December 4th, 2007 at 12:05 am
From Iron and Whine
Mary, I write this from an Internet cafe on the Main Square, with my last few zlotys. I want you to know that Loser Records fucked me over badly. They promised me a record deal, and all I ended up with was a bit of gutter hash and beer. When I was drunk and stoned they produced a contract, and I think I signed away the rights to all the songs I will ever write. Bastards. Now I have nowhere to stay. Also, in this town it is very very hard to get a gig. All the best venues have been monopolized by local loser bands, and I am a new kid in town. They won’t let me into their clique… The point is, I need a couch. Or a floor. Just for the next 7 months. I’m a good cook. And a good lover. Whaddya say?
December 4th, 2007 at 12:07 am
I lie
Sorry, Losers In Krakow did also give me that rubber Leonard Cohen mask. I stood on the main square wearing it today, frozen in position with my guitar. I waited for people to drop money into my hat, and when they did I started moving, playing "Bird On A Wire."
December 4th, 2007 at 12:21 am
oh gosh!
they are real bastards,record companies, i read in Bravo Girl,they cheated on Britney too so she went nuts and shaved her hair and fucked with strippers in la.
but you know, krakow aint LA and i want to help you. really. my parents are off for the weekend so you can stay in my room, but on the floor as my bed is really tiny. then i can ask my classmates if they could host you. dont worry. if you just promise to sing me some of the songs ill show you a cool trick that my freind who is 2 years older showed me once in girls toilet. its called banana split or something like that. i love it.
dont worry about the gigs, i could ask my teacher if you could play on our headmaster’s birthday.
xoxo
mary
December 4th, 2007 at 12:23 am
THANK YOU
Mary this is a great offer. Can you please give me some more details on what the "banana split" is?
December 5th, 2007 at 12:00 am
WHERE WERE YOU, MARY???
Mary, I went to the phone box on the main square where you would be - and I waited a long time. No Mary.
I tried to write to your email address, but your box is full.
HOW MANY MINSTRELS ARE YOU COURTING AT ONCE?
You have become part of my Krakow nightmare.
I want to go home to Ohio, but I lost my plane ticket… at least it has given me the inspiration for a new song: Counch Surfer. Would be good if Losers In Krakow didn’t own the rights to the damned song!
Man, I wish I hadn’t signed that contract they gave me. (Does the fact it was printed on toilet paper make it less legally binding?!?!)
December 5th, 2007 at 9:34 am
Contracts
Thew fact its written on toilet paper from MASSOLIT which previously wiped the puckered receptacle of a famous Krakow expat writer makes it even more binding than the high-fibre, low-carb Dutch cereal he purchases from Alma.
JK
December 5th, 2007 at 11:34 pm
JK
Earlier you posted a fascinating-looking dissertation on Semiotics but I didn’t have time to read it. Where has it gone?
Tom, XFG
December 18th, 2007 at 8:37 am
Poseur
quit acting smart tom