Losers in Krakow!

Momo

For those uninformed, Momo is Krakow’s hub of healthy eating; a meeting place for local artists and rally point for local neo-lefty goose-steppers. Some find the prices a little exy, others the the portions too scrimpy. To find a way around this, I began seeing one of the staff. Whilst this gave me the opportunity to [...]

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“New” Piekny Pies

The complete antithesis of the first Pies, previously around the corner. Stylistically, think Guantanamo Bay with padded chars and chrome accents, MDF pressed toilet doors, square plastic windows attached to Medieval archways. Downstairs, an empty dance floor in a cellar makes you question the meaning of life. The death of the original Pies leaves a [...]

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Educational Video For Expat Losers On How To Behave At Concerts - With Jack Nicholson

Many is the time we’ve been contacted by confused male expats who are trying to make it big in Krakow’s local band scene. They want to know one thing: how to deal with women. We can’t handle the barrage of mail and answer all of you individually, and so instead we’ve discovered an excellent education [...]

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“A Bucket Of Blood” To Be Remade By Losers In Krakow

Watch out Hollywood! Here comes Loserwood! Roger Cormon's cult classic "A Bucket Of Blood" - a 1950s satire on the Beatnik Generation - is to be remade in the cafes and bars of Krakow, entirely funded by Losers In Krakow. Believe it! Or not!

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Bright Expat Strikes It Rich With “Smart” Mobile Phone Invention For Alcohol-Addled Love Addicts

Several weeks ago Jim McBride, a local expat from Denver, was living on the smell of an oily rag. Behind in the rent, unable to afford even the cheapest Polish washing powder to wash his clothes by hand, picking up cigarette butts off the ground on Plac Nowy in Krakow’s “Jewish” district - McBride had [...]

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Julia Roberts Moves To Krakow And Becomes Part Of Expat Scene

Shock! Julia has given up Hollywood and a life of stardom in order to hang out with Krakow hipster expats. She's even started her own band. But the cold weather, hand-rolled ciggies and cans of Tartra beer have already started taking their physical toll. Our paparazzi photographer Otto Von Scumbag snapped some secret shots when Julia was on her way to band practice. The before and after pics tell the whole story. Enough said. Poor thing.

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D’Hudson Decides To “Stop Being Mean”

Over recent months, D’Hudson’s activity on the Losers In Krakow website has been dwindling. It’s not only a sign that this writer simply doesn’t have much time. It has been a decline in terms of inclination. This decline has now transformed into a solid desire: to stop being mean. “What’s the point?” D’Hudson said. “These targets [...]

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A Very Losers Christmas

For many Losers in Krakow this year, Christmas sucks - big time. Wanna know how to get rid of the Krakow Christmas Blues? Read on...

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Losers Creates! By Lauching Record Label And New “Scene”

Wow! Losers have had a change of heart. We've been so affected by all the criticism, the blame, the bad words, that we have also become Marketers Of New Creative Products For "The Discerning Expat"...

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Revealed: Krakow Post Written By Polish School Children

Ever wondered about the low state of reporting on the "news" pages of the Krakow Post, a free newspaper unfortunately distributed in Krakow bars and cafes? If so, read on...

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